>>8031927Im coming to a point where I have to decide between the potential adventure of a lifetime that would dignify my life in ways I couldnt imagine, or being present with my family's life and watching my siblings lean into adulthood. Its tremendously difficult because I am terrified that coming home will mean I go back to being that invisible middle child I tried to escape from when I was 18, but I am also weighed down by tungsten guilt for missing their lives. Every time I deploy, they always talk about how much they miss me, but every time I come home, they go back to treating me how they did when I was a child and I'm really trying to work up the nerve to resign my time with them to small little islands of holidays and special events.
