>>6435067>>6435144For my depression, I take an antipsychotic that prevents me both from hurting so bad and from enjoying myself as well. And as a high-functioning misanthropic manchild in the late second half of my twenties, my life seems to be going nowhere.
I was expelled from a prestigious Law school in the back-water piece of shit dumphole that is “my country” (To which I feel no allegiance and owe nothing but complete disinterest) in 2011, having wasted precious years of my life and lots of my parents’ money.
Ever since I live with an unresolved shame and also feel my IQ drops lower by the day, since I was not smart enough to end up a lawyer. In hindsight, most likely I would have ended up miserable as a lawyer as well.
Single for two years now, having been dumped by a lovely girl on whom I cheated with a fuckin’ skank during one of my numerous dead-end jobs waiting tables for assholes. The only sex I’ve had since that time was so horrible I feel emotionally castrated and physically undesirable that my social anxiety with people has propelled to a new level into Tinder bullshit, adding up to my loneliness, inadequacy and lack of general self-esteem.
Later, I enrolled at a community college, which turned me into a pariah in the social echelon, since community college graduates are less than vermin in the scheme of local things, destined to dead-end and underpaid back-office jobs.
>>TL; DR: More stupid by the second, no degree, guilt-ridden single guy, decreasing amount and quality of friends, underpaid dead-end job, incapable of reciprocating love to those who are for me (My old folks, with whom I still live...) and feeling unworthy of love, praise or respect by others, I can only think I’d be better off killing myself or leaving this country in hopes to find a place and people I belong. Or at least, to find a nice view to end my life… 