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i'm not sure if i know how to live. or have fun i guess. i look in my closet and i see a keyboard piano that i fizzled out of playing. i have a digital camera hanging from my door, it's been dead for a few months. i have an unfinished model kit on my top shelf and rows of books i havent gotten to yet. i can only get a couple hours in a new game before losing steam. there's an empty aquarium that used to have some plants in it. some of those were doing well but i hollowed it out after winter came. it's like im always surrounded by things that i've almost started doing; i don't know how much of it ever really interested me. i'm not depressed about it exactly, i just wonder if this is going to be a continual trend as i get older. i don't really want to be that kind of person. i can't tell if thinking that most people probably live like this is just cope or not. all i know is that i feel i have no hobbies and this makes me feel inferior or less interesting; i don't want to put too much stock in the whole fractured sense of identity everyone in their early 20s and teens seem to have pretty severely right now. it just bothers me, but it's not like a simple life is the worst thing in the world; you could call me lucky. you could also just call me lazy in simple terms. i miss feeling enraptured by things
