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Feeling really lost, with almost every aspect of my life. I don't feel much integrity contradicting and being a hypocrite against the things I'll say I'll do or want myself to. My girlfriend told me at the beginning of the year but she told me she was raped at 10. Now things are really good but I still don't feel good about it, especially when other girls try flirting with me and some part of me deep down wanting to do it.
I also either need to live up to my high standards or accept myself, as I have so many hobbies or things I say I wanna do but get so frustrated with when I start them that I get immediately burnt out because I'm not any good or it doesn't meet my expectation. I also hate how everyone arbitrarily thinks I'm an idiot, or how I think I am either. People in my life are condescending and making it unnecessarily complex, and It's slowly pissing me off. I just wanna let go of all my responsibilities and tell everyone to go fuck themselves and do what I want with no one holding me back. Everyday I contemplate it more.
