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I'm in a dark place, friends. My ex and I broke up months ago. We had been together for eight years, met in high school through mutual friends, supported one another through college, through work, and through my graduate degree (i'm in my final year now). I know her family well and she knows mine well, our lives grew incredibly intertwined, we spent all holidays together and have been on trips together. She had a childhood dream of being a writer that I always supported, which finally began to take off in the last year--so in short, I've been at the low point of financial freedom, and free time while she has been at the apex of hers. She spent the last year traveling, gaining new friend groups, speaking at conventions, and making great money, while I've been stuck at home trying to keep up with a grueling law school workload while balancing part time work and internships. She has been very receptive to the new attention to say the least, and it has severely altered her personality into something I frankly began to find repulsive. She's always been more focused on personal enjoyment while she's young, and myself on being responsible and deferring gratification. Though through all we've been through, I still feel deep bonds with her that are hard to sever in my mind. I worry a lot about her mental health and her ability to acclimate to this new reality of her life, though she hasn't displayed the equivalent care for me lately. I'm young and I've never done this before, but I'm always feeling tired no matter how much I sleep, and I'm having a hard time focusing on my studies. It feels purgatorial, that I'm still mourning the relationship and not yet focusing on taking full responsibility for my own future. I need to move past this somehow. Just needed to get this off my chest I guess.
