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got broken up with.
ex already dating someone else.
left any groups she's in because despite me asking her not to and her agreeing, she still finds ways to say something about her dating life in them.
haven't seen friends from those groups in weeks. likely won't ever again.
only one from them who still messages me is a girl who's boyfriend died like a year ago and she's still not over it, and she comes to me for support.
zero social life at this point, any other friends are the stay at home type or go to school far away.
work a part time job and do an internship for school that leaves me with no time and barely any money.
tinder makes me feel awful about myself, but not trying to meet a new girl makes me feel just as bad.
can't meet anyone at work or my internship, and I don't have any more classes to take before graduation
attempts to gain a following with my art is as fruitless as they've ever been for the last 6 years
recently started realizing just how much happier I probably would've been had I been born a girl. becoming trans wouldn't do anything because that wouldn't make me a girl, and I obviously can't ask for a do over in life.
seeing my therapist every 1-2 weeks is just about the only thing that resets the clock on me completely losing it, but im starting to worry that it won't be like that forever.
every single week is such a rollercoaster of emotions for no fucking reason. it can be as simple as I wake up and feel manic, and then ten minutes later I see something that reminds me of just how much shit I'm dealing with and everything grinds to a halt.
i get home late at night when my family's asleep, wake up late in the day when they're all at work.
everything has come to a level of numbness I've never felt before, even at times where i was certain i was about to kill myself.
every single possibility to do it now sticks out to me, and i truly don't know how many days i have left before i finally snap and just give up.
