>>8071327(1/2) Feeling nothingness; I’m not happy, nor sad, nor optimistic, nor depressed. It feels like I’ve achieved neutrality. Been living in a state of “nothing ever happens” for the last month and a half.
I’ve finished my time at college, been working on certificates, turning twenty soon. Life is looking good, life isn’t exactly stressing me. But, I do feel stressed in some form, and I think that stress is just the expected negative side effects of being house-bound over the last few months. I’m just doing online education now that I am out of college, and not having a place to wake up and go to, nor see people and chatter: it all has been getting me down. But, I’m so used to being a loner, it’s not exactly defeating me (yet).
I really only have one good irl friend that I talk to semi-regularly, and another irl friend that I maybe talk to bimonthly. The three of us are loners, so, it’s not surprising we don’t do much.
The strange thing is, I’m a very sociable guy despite being a loner. So, over the past two years: I’ve been upping my social prowess. I did get a gf that lasted 7 months. She was nice, I was just wayyy out of her league; she couldn’t socialise for shit, didn’t have any spirit for exploration, and never did anything outside of her comfort zone. I’m not even joking anons, she was so inept, she couldn’t even be the one to initiate saying “I love you” for the whole time together. I know she loved me, for sure, but it was hard feeling it—I guess I am a guy that needs more physical and verbal confession to feel loved, I like the thought of a girl just constantly hugging me and confessing her love... because, that’s what I do! lol
