>>7839179I'm sorry, you and her should not have to go through such a tribulation. I'm not going to try and read your mind but I just want to try and offer some advice if I can.
Recently I started dating a girl I've been friends with for about six years now. My entire life I've been a shut off from my family and friends about how I really feel all of the time because that's just how I lived, how I was raised and treated etc. All these years later, I'm just now opening up to her about everything that has ever made me uncomfortable in my life, all of the injustices that've happened to me, and how I have been guilty of allowing myself to continue a cycle of abuse without realizing it. She's made me understand that I can be a better person. That I can change myself without holding myself to such a high standard I could never reach in a day's time. It is also now helping me to realize that in order to continue on with life I just need to address my problems as straight as I can. Allow for myself to take criticism and accept who I was.
I think the same sort of sentiment can be applied here, if you really want things to work with this girl you love, which I'm sure you do; you've sacrificed so much so far to stick with her. You will have to break these barriers in your mind and allow yourself to truly express how you feel, otherwise it will do nothing but bend and break your mind beyond what you thought was possible. Tell her how she hurt you, tell her how you think about the things you would do to this person, tell her how much everything hurts you as well. Otherwise she will continue to try to think of how you feel and try to read your mind while she can't, it just troubles her even more. Relationships are all about compromise, no matter the situation. None of this is your fault, and none of it was hers, I'm sure. All you had before was each other, and that's what you still have. You're not being dramatic, man, the shit sucks.
I'll pray for you.
