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I started therapy in secret, preparing for the eventual personality disorder diagnosis that my sisters received. Instead, I'm genuinely worried that I have full blown schizophrenia, as opposed to merely being on the schizo spectrum in some way. I have a different dad than they do, and all my mother ever tells me about him is that he was a schizo"something" (sic) who left us to blahblahblah. That's the problem about the schizo spectrum. You're three times as likely to get your ass on it if you're directly related to someone who's ALSO on the spectrum. So if he was anywhere in this, his kids are too. Meaning me, and the half siblings in Houston I've spent my entire life avoiding. But if I've been successful thus far, it means they're attempting the same thing. Which means they know, which means they have it, which means they get it, which means this is real. And I'm not just making shit up.
And that is ineffably terrifying.
