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i've joked for a few years that my retirement plan was to die before i hit 30.
lately it doesn't feel like a joke. i can't see myself living anywhere, doing anything for an extended period of time. i don't hate working in hospitality, but it's not exactly amazing in my part of the us. nothing appeals to me: i've stopped going to the dungeons and dragons one of my best friends runs, something that i used to time my weeks with; i don't play video games or anything any more; even music isn't enjoyable to me. my life has become "wake up, find something to do with someone for a couple of hours, go to work, come home, smoke, go to bed." i hate this; i don't want this life any more.
i want to homestead. i want a little plot of land in the middle of nowhere that's mine and mine alone, big enough to grow crops and raise stock to sustain myself, a partner, and whoever i decide to have over for dinner, and not an ounce more. i wanna go to space, dude, leave this fucked up ball of rock behind for a chance at a new start on another. i just can't make peace with sitting behind 4 walls all day, every day for the next 60-80 years, wasting away, only to be forgotten about along with everyone i ever knew.
this isn't a way to live; it's sure as hell not how we're meant to. ted was right, and there's no way out of this bullshit system now, other than to get off the ride entirely.
