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I think my relationship with my GF is done, I love her still more than anything, but we haven't really been happy together for years.
6 years now and neither of us had either been in something like this before, when it started we were best friends, but now I think we both kind of hate each other, or at least are annoyed.
Early in our relationship a condom broke and she got pregnant, she got an abortion, which was what she wanted and not something I forced, but our sex life went to shit after that. Even now she doesn't regret doing it and says she would do it again since she really doesn't like kids, but there is some blame there I'm sure. She must on some level resent that she had to go and do the procedure and I just sat in the lobby.
I thought maybe in time it will get better but we had less and less of a physical connection as the years went on. I thought maybe she just wasn't in touch with herself sexually, but I found out recently that she started masturbating in the last few months. So I guess it's not that she isn't horny ever she just isn't interested in me.
Then the other day she said she thinks we should spend some time apart, but she doesn't want to break up. I think she's done, but doesn't have it in her to just say so and end it. I'm such an idiot I'll keep coming back and get dragged along if I think there is a hope.
I think daily about just taking a job in another state or country and leaving for good. If I'm going to move out and be depressed I might as well do it with a job and in an area that feels fresh.
