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Recently opened up to someone about what's going on inside my mind. obviously told them i want to kill myself and I attempted previously to do so. Hospitalized. got out and now I'm talking to a therapist of sorts. seemed okay on meds probably mild placebo effect from myself thinking I was actually better. I constantly lie to him saying how good i feel but just need to talk to him about day to day things, I just want to get out (I'm in the Air Force) and go back home I've never experienced this kind of stress before. Everyday I think about how easier things would be if i just didn't wake up the next day or just slit my wrist as originally intended my love and respect for my family and friends stops me as well as the guilt that would somehow find me in the afterlife if i could ever just follow through with something for once in my life other than following my dads footsteps My thoughts about just ending it all clearly affect my mood as it should a normal person on the inside but they're bleeding and pushing through like tar through a sieve. I'm so lost
