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So I'm gonna respond to other post after I went my own problem, I guess I want to help someone seeing how I can't help myself atm. So last week I got a sick leave from work and school, it was due to stress. I talked to my supervisor, the work nurse and doctor over 2 days before I got it. I had been extremely aggressive the week + prior and felt that I couldn't stay at work due to my stress related aggression causing me to want to punch someone or throw things through Windows. They luckily understood that I needed a break even now just a week before my christmas break starts. I spent the last days at home with my family and just relaxed, the thing is this changes none of my real problems. I'm still depressed, lonely, sadistic (in my head at least, resentful, untrusting, and I have given up on all the things that used to bring me joy. Love was something I sought, now I resent it as I know it's a false idea that I will never experience. I can never connect with other people properly anymore and unless I go out of my way all the time I won't be able to have a social life so I don't. I have contemplated suicide multiple times, but I don't want to leave my family behind with sadness and grief. I see no real reason to be alive. So today I'm just going to pass time watching movies and play games till I have to go to work for a talk with my supervisor.
