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I've been obsesing over bdsm stories lately. Yesterday was worst than other days. This stories i read keep coming to me and i could not sleep properly, i think i finally got to sleep at 3:30 and i had to get up at 6:30. this night was bad. I am all sleepy right now.
Sometimes the hentai or porn i read keeps in my mind for a while, but this shit keeps coming back, and the only way my mind keeps me alone is hy finishing reading. I'm scared because i think this is breaking my foot to reality. I havent been able to go outside and meet people, i dont know if its because i might probably be gay, i do love transwomen porn more than any other, or its bacause i am a masoquist that enjoys feeling this pain, or because i am a sadist and i am afraid i would cause harm to someone.
I dont want to rape anyone, i respect my fellow female and transexual knowns. I think the problem is me.
I think that the place i take in the stories i read is not the dominant one but the submissive one. I think that seeing them forced to face their.feara and to allow their sexual desires free i see myself identified, because, perhaps i wish to be raped out of my mind. But this also sound wrong.
For now i wish i could grow the balls to go out there and find someone who would sex me.
