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Around a few weeks ago I am living with knowledge that I grew up with untreated high-functioning autism.
I wish I was treated well, at least as other kids, and was never beat up by my dad in years.
I skipped the kindergarten because I was permanently crying when my mom wasn't near me. In elementary school, I started crying when my toy tiger was not next to me.
After some of the years my dad get me to the sport section and I never liked this one, whatever, but every time I performed badly during the training father beat me until I start bleeding and every time he said -" If you keep performing badly - you stop coming here, do you have no desire?" and every time when this was happened I beg to give me one more chance. Don't even ask why, I was feared and retarded. But, the strangest thing is when we left with the team in the summer to some other place at some point I started to sob, simply because I knew that my mother was not around, because of which my mother had to come every time so that I would not start cry. Although, one summer my father came and, as usual, he started to beat me because I whine and train poorly, and he spends money on this, as he said "vacation with the team". So I just forced my self to eat some nail that was laying on the street to skip this hell and get some rest at least during the month of the summer. Then I just keep repeating this for a years in lesser pain ways like falling and brooking hands, fingers and legs until I get 13-14 years, and we moved in other, much smaller region. Here was no professional sport places like the that place that I used to go. That was quite a relief because school wasn't hard compared to my last one. And the most of the kids were welcome to me. I was even had a kinda-close friend. So I grew up and shit get into uni for free, then drop it, and now I am neet for around 5 years, never talk to my dad for no good reason, and about to start receive autismbux. Might will buy my mom some presents or buy shit in ikea
