>>7701469I thought about reaching out to her again, talk things trough, but I really don't think that would do anything. And somehow I don't believe that she feels the same about our memories. She moved on, I guess. I don't know what person she is now, but she is not the person I falled in love with, and not the person that some part of me still loves, and vice versa. I don't even know if I would recognize her, if we somehow met on the streets.
Somehow it feels like I am griefing a person that is dead. It's a memory I have and a dream we shared that I can not forget. It destroys me every time I realize I have to live in a world that she is not part of. And will never be. It's not that I want a shared future with her again, but it's the past that doesn't seem to let me go. And it's a life that I couldn't live but wanted to that still haunts me.
I really just wish for it to be over, and that I can forget her and be happy about who I am now and what I have. I have a girl that loves me deeply and is wonderful, friends and family that support me, and a stable job that's fun. But there is still so much darkness, grief and pain in me, nevertheless, and most days in this year I didn't feel to be okay at all. I don't know what to do.
Any advice would be appreciated, but I guess I'm just fucked, right?
Hope you guys are doing better and enjoying the holidays
