>>7298598for the next 20 minutes or so, i refused to look in her direction, or at her at all, really. we'd have one large conversation and we would each be making our contribution to the overflowing pot that is the overall conversation without ever acknowledging each other or what one another said. like what the fuck?? it was so weird lmfao.
of course, the only reason it stopped and it turned into a fantastic night was because she finally asked me something directly, and i had to respond. i don't really remember exactly what the question was, but i remember i felt she was genuinely interested in what i had to say. from there, the evening kinda just took off. every further word that came out of my mouth that was directed towards her pried away the formal and anxious shell that i instinctively protect myself with. we ended up talking for a few hours, about what we like and our interests. we have a lot in common. aesthetic pleasure is one of the biggest reasons i feel as if i was still able to maintain sanity. as stupid as it sounds, i still felt connected to the human experience, and as i searched through works of art, i found those who created art that were in the same situation as me. it made me feel human, still. she seemed to share a love for various mediums of art. we talked about film and music forever, and when the night finally ended, i had given her a list of stuff i thought she would love.
i'll admit that typing and anonymity have certain therapeutic traits for me right now, but i can't describe how great it felt to finally felt like for someone of the opposite sex (in fairly high social society too) to finally accept me, but feel interested in me. it was really freeing.
it was my most memorable social night in years. i met someone who was extremely interesting, and seemed to be at least semi interested in me as well. i went home feeling exhausted, with a level of satisfaction i'm not sure i've ever ended the day with.
3/x
