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I've chosen this wall because that's where I want to be. Even when I'm not using it, it reminds me that I have something to pursue in life. Whether it's going to Iceland (mind it, I live in Brazil), becoming an artist (musician, poet, amateur filmmaker, doesn't matter) or simply studying sociology and economics, those are all goals that I can achieve, in short or long term.
Of course, being a virgin at my age puts some pressure on me, but I'm far from the socially anxious person I used to be. I spent a few years really depressed, tried to kill myself twice, and after the second attempt I realized what the comic that the other anon posted said: life doesn't actually have a meaning, so we have to make our own.
I'm still a pessimist and have nearly zero self-esteem, but at least I'm going on without having suicidal thoughts for nearly an year. Had I been successful then, I wouldn't have had experienced all the good things that happened to me recently, or I wouldn't even be here.
I'm not advocating against suicide, I don't think that's selfish, I just postponed it. I don't want to grow old so I know I'll eventually commit suicide at some point, but I'll go and enjoy things till then.
I'm saying this basically because I can't tell someone that "it will get better" without feeling ridiculous or cynical (and maybe that's the one time I cannot be cynical) and, dunno, maybe my story will help someone here, being OP or anyone else.
