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You have a job. You might hate it, but there's money in it. And that means you at least have a life at all.
The fact that you fear death means you still love life at least some. I heard this when I wanted to kill myself and so I think it's worth saying to you: life can always get better. You can meet someone new and stay up all night with them. You can hear great music and love it. You can watch an overdramatized documentary with a bowl of ice cream and a bunch of cheap chocolate. Go out and be nice to someone, just hearing their story and offering encouragement. Little things.
And sometimes? Life will suck. But you're capable. You've survived thirty years now. You can get through it. Ask for help if you need it. You're not going to go down without a fight. Your weapons are happiness and the ability to just embrace the suck.
Death will happen eventually. You might get hit by a car. If it happens, it happens, right? No need to speed it up. Which sounds morbid but hey, you were going to die today. You didn't. You can make it buddy.