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I am desperate.
Not in the sense of being desperate because of a economic, social or physical crisis, but a mental one; and no, it's not depression.
Well, it was depression, but it's the after effects that are bothering me.
I had a massive surge of it at the end of last year, and althought it passed away naturally, after it, I'm just not the same. I can't think straight.
I'm a physics guy; it's what I do, always did. Never in my life I thought about anything else, and in fact, I can't think of anything else right now either, but I lost interest in it. Not only in science, but in everything. I lost my curiosity, my intuition, my wit, everyone says how I'm different, and I've noticed it too.
I can't make snappy, quick remarks, I don't have a sense of humour anymore, and I'm not excited for anything short of eating, numbing away my lack of thoughts with activities such as watching movies and listening to music albums on repeat, and generally, I feel like shit, but look great.
I've been trying to get better; everyday I solve problems in math, I started photography and am doing CGI in Blender, but it's all not working; my attention span has severely declined, and while before I could multiply 2 digit numbers in my head quickly, I can't add 2 digit numbers without the aid of pen and paper. It seems like I'm losing everything I've worked hard to have. Fuck me.
