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Well, start off at the beginning I guess. I fell in love with a girl 6 years ago, broke up with a different girl to have her recently just for her to get up and walk away. Bummer.
But I've also realized something through the entertainment industry, since that's what I use as a coping mechanism, life isn't my movie. And that's okay. It doesn't have to be for me to be happy, and I don't need to pretend to be nice to everyone just to make myself happy. I just need to be me. Enough being nice, just because others deserve it. Enough treating others better than they treat me for that sense of "You're better than them if you treat them better." Fuck that. I'm over it. I'm going to and have been, for roughly 8 days, treat people the way they treat me. An Ex wants to know how I feel about them (which happened), so I told her I couldn't stand her and I don't like what she became, even if it was my fault. An acquaintance trys to tell me a story about his life, shut up and I'm not interested. Old boss says he wishes I still worked there, I tell him I'm sorry, but unless he's offering more money, he can crawl right back down the hole he crawled out of.
I'm tired of over-glorified bullshit about how I'm special, and I can do it. Fuck that. I'm going to be the best me that existed, because that's all I can fucking do. And I'm not doing it for anyone else, or because someone thinks I can make dreams come true. Maybe one day, I will shoot for the stars, but that will be my fucking job. You're only feeling special because you are, and only have been, you. You're just another fucking person to me, just as I am to you.
What makes me special? Nothing. Flat, 0%, absolute, nothingness makes me different from you. besides MAYBE that I may be able to do 3 - 4 things differently than you do them.
That's how I'm feeling Anon. That I don't need to be special, and I'm more content knowing that, than the lie that I've been told my whole life.
