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like a lot of people here, i dont seem to mind whether i live or die. but i must admit, im interested to see how things turn out. for both my life and this world ive come to know. I don't have many friends, and i try to avoid making new ones. i dont believe i'll ever find something like a significant other who 'completes me', or something romantic like that. I dont feel particularly passionate about anything, though i often search for something like that. but for some reason, despite lacking most of what makes a person feel that life is worth living, despite lacking anything resembling hope, i don't feel depressed. i cant help but to be curious. even if i cant feel a sense of belonging or fulfillment, i think it might be the very lack of these things which drives me to sustain my existence. somehow, it doesn't feel wrong to say that despite not finding any pleasure in life, i still believe it's worth being patient. if im being honest though, i desperately wish to feel normal things like love or fulfillment. i dont feel any loss at not having such things, but, still, i want them. not knowing what it is that i want, i still want it. idk, maybe im just drunk
