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I genuinely don't think I deserve to live anymore. I'm going to be 20 in 2months with little to nothing to show for it except a hs diploma. I've basically regressed after taking a year off after school because of all the sleepless nights or last minute projects I'd procrastinate on till the day of when they were do. Although they always got graded really high. My family has kinda been teetering into financial ruin, because I couldn't fucking figure out what I wanted to do even though they were plenty of options. Now we no longer receive social security to even do basic shopping going for as long since last Christmas up until recently. I don't have a simple fucking learners permit for driving, even my cousin who vaped, and drank has brains out all throughout hs has one. I know a good majority of my family could honestly not give a fuck if anything happens to me except ask the basic "how are you doing" or "Do you plan on doing anything shit" so why do they bother. I know people have their own lives to attend to but what's the point. They know I'm a loser and I don't expect them to care. Never had a relationship with a women before, but never pursued one. I don't want to drag anyone into a world of hurt if I don't even have my shit together, but that's obvious. Most of the time I can barley bring myself up to only do basic shit such as taking care of my hygiene, and chores. There are mistakes of my past fuck ups I hate myself for and can't move on from but there really fucking minor except for one that spiraled a lot of my current predicaments. I thought a year or even a few months would be good for me but all it really did was perpetuate my worst traits of procrastination, self hatred and doubt, no motivation. My parents are pretty much elderly but still can accomplish a lot (Dad 76, Mom 61). Somethings are out of my control like the financial situation but our information was stolen from a family member.I'll continueon if anyonecares.I'm sorry for the shitty blogpost
