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Things aren't all that bad. Although i am selectively lazy and irresponsible, i'm intelligent, i can study hard enough to get a job which i can make more than a living at. I'll have the ability to run a household, and live together with my partner. But even then there's this thought in the back of my mind that can't let me rest, and it's saying that i should disregard everything else and just do what i like to do. Every morning it's there to greet me, and it sometimes wins me over and takes away all my motivation and drive. I want to write, i want to play video games, i want to jerk off, and i want to sleep. But when i do too much of that, another feeling kicks in. The one that tells me "you have limited time left pal, fucking do something meaningful with it". I can't just rest in one place. I want progress. I want something to work toward to. I want to be an achiever. And i feel like i'm just floating between states constantly. Fighting a battle with myself. I posess every ability to make my own life, and yet sometimes i just refuse to do something with them.
