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Ive been living iwht my parents for a little over a year. i got fucked over living with some roommates and lost my job and had to move over an hour away with no car anymore and no job or anything. been completely isolated and alone the entire time and havent made any friends. bunch of hossier racist pieces of shit with no intelligence and completely not self aware. couldnt relate to anyone. my mom and step dad are terrible and are trump supporting far right assholes. they dont give a shit about me and are so fucking stupid its like talking to a brick wall. my dad OD on some painkilers when i was 15 and i found him. she also lost our house 3 years later and ive been couch hopping ever since. my mom gambled all of our money away. still stole my pel grant money to gamble. recently she told me she has it way worse besides i make her life a living hell and asked, 'besides moving a lot, what the hell have you even been through to be like this anyway?' lost all respect. will never respect her again. but i got my shit together and got a car, a job back in the city, and moving back there with a good friend of mine. i should be so happy to get out of here, but im not. im scared. im scared to be alone, im scared of the pandemic, im scared of this country falling apart. im scared to fail and have everyone just absolutely hate me there and i wont make any friends.
i havent been in a relationship in 6 years. since highschool. i long everyday for that form of love. i fantasize about it, have dreams about it at night. i long for love and warmth. i just want someone to hug me like im there world, and me just hug back so tightly, feeling that comfort. i miss it so much. i dont remember what it feels like. im alone everyday of my life. im so scared of being alone like this for the rest of my existence. i was hoping when i move back to the city i could maybe meet someone and start a relationship that i so desperately want. go on a few dates with a few people,and maybe find the one(1)
