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I'm twenty six. I have every advantage. Someone from my school, actually more than one of them, are doing really well for themselves. I'm at least as capable, talented, intelligent, etc. I know I am. I've demonstrated to myself that I am capable of what I have been told. You know? It's easy to shrug off people telling you good things about yourself, without even necessarily sticking to the bad. Just like "it's positive so it doesn't matter unless I'm delivering on expectations."
But these others I know are doing well. I'm doing well too, but not as much as them. Why do I compare so unnecessarily? Why is it not enough that I should succeed? Why do I want to outshine others? Is it masculinity? Or am I just a competitive dick?
I miss playing as a young person. As a child playing imaginative games. As a teenager playing at drama and adulthood.
