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Remember posting in one of these threads a little under a year ago. Had just finished graduating from college and managed to find some work that's easy to do and enough pay to keep me afloat while I thought on stuff, which is what I'd mainly been doing for the last two or so years of school and the year following to now. Honestly I'm not really so sure as to what to think anymore. I always feel torn between two extremes that each are just as real and valid as the other. My main dissonance is between the ever present urge to help others because I know from personal experience how little can mean so much to a person, but at the same time I'm a horrifically muted and closed off individual who by and large wants nothing to do with anyone else. I hate obligations, loathe engagements, when I'm at them I'd rather be anywhere else, but these are the only times I can actually be put in situations where I might actually be of help.
I also hate the notion of being pigeonholed as part of an ulterior interest or even the perception of it when trying to help people, which is why I've by and large disregarded the notion of a legitimate social work career or something in that vein. It has however led me to wanting a job where I can achieve a balance between all of these concerns at once, hard as it is. I've been considering training for a position as an EMT. With something like this I feel I can get the best of both worlds by being able to help others in an impactful way and have it be something that I don't get bogged down in for extended time with any one person and there's significantly less in the way of potential negative perceptions that it's done for ulterior reasons. I always considered myself the type of person who can remain calm in hectic situations as well which adds to it. It will all depend on how my searching goes over the next few months, but I feel something like that would be as fulfilling as it can get on all fronts of my generally divided self.
