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OP, on Tuesday November 5th I woke up to a call that my friend was dead. He was always light and full of laughter, but if you looked close you could see he was also in pain. I may never know why he put that gun to his head, I myself have contemplated cheking out of this living nightmare. Looking around though, he was loved, we all were there if he needed anything. I would like to think you have people that love you. Even if you don't want to see it. A smile from a stranger's baby, a pet hoping for physical contact, or just a broken guy on this thread.. You are loved.