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I live in a roach infested house with a mom that's a hoarder and an angry alcoholic. The house we live in was my grandparents and used to be the hub of where the whole family would meet for every holiday. I was excited when I found out it would be our house and stay in the family but the house along with my relationship with almost everyone in my family would completely deteriorate slowly. The only clean room in the house is mine, and even though I try my best I have to be careful how long I leave a drink or food out because it will become infested within a couple hours. I cannot cook food in the kitchen or keep food in the fridge because roaches will get to it. One of my only options to escape this is to move out. But I'm not really financially comfortable enough to do that because I can barely afford my food, gas, phone and insurance right now. I could move into an apartment with my girlfriend who I've been with for around 3 years but I'm scared of this commitment. She's never met my parents because I'm terrified of how they will be. They're both alcoholics and separated when I was 10 and it couldn't have come soon enough. The divorce hasn't kept them from using me as a pawn. My dad would tell me all the fucked up shit my mom has done to me when he would pick me up to hang out, then when I got home my mom would tell me all the fucked up things my dads done to me when I was a kid. I really want some sort of escape.
I love my mom, I love my dad and I love my girlfriend. But sometimes on my way home from work, late at night I like to see how long I can keep my eyes closed as I drive towards the woods at the end of the main road I live off of. I could never kill myself, nor have I ever deeply considered it because I know how it would effect those close to me. But at least dying in an 'accident' will effect them far less.
Sorry for dumping this but its been on my mind for a long time and never talk about it... here's a cool boat.
