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I just relapsed in NoFap again. I was on a week's streak, which is something I haven't had in a while. Boredom, really, was the cause.
I feel lost, in a way. I am a happy man with many friends, but I am hardly a man. 145 sopping wet, scarcely any muscle mass, and a voice whose depth largely depends on how long it's been since I pounded the flounder. I cannot escape my vices, though they are vices not often perceived nowadays. When you think of the sin that may live in the life of a teenager, you might imagine drugs, or alcohol, or foul relationships; for me, however, I never participated in any of those things, but rather seek to eliminate such a toxic practice of lustful 'entertainment' from my life. It's difficult, but I pray to the Lord every time I fail for strength in His glory.
On God, though, I am partially conflicted. I always hear the other believers talk about how God spoke to them, or how prayer is them talking *with* God. To me, prayer is like talking to a brick wall with God painted on it. Perhaps I'm just not perceptive enough, but I don't often see my prayers carried out or blessed upon me. I never hear the Lord speak to me. It's the one thing that impacts the integrity of my faith. The only struggle I have with believing.
