>>7621783As a 20 yo girl, I've always feel so out of place and awkward in society. I grew up ugly and was bullied by both female 'friends' and guys alike, and came to equate my worth to my looks.
My past years have left me with lots of insecurities about myself, and it's hard to break away from comparative worth. Doesn't help that I have an inherently masculine, rebellious personality, weird interests. I'm trying to improve by focusing on my hobbies (drawing, coding, gyming - mostly solitary activities) and starting to see my college therapist.
I'm in a college right now with lots of beautiful girls and while I'm not intimidated, I feel the pressure to conform. Sticking to the pristine image of wearing feminine clothing, no glasses, makeup and feminine behaviour really opens to the doors for you not only socially, but also career wise (which is fking important to me) This place isn't very diverse so it's hard to make likeminded friends either, and my toxic family offers little support. I tend to bottle up my emotions like a guy, appear calm and stoic and rational on the surface, but deep down I'm going crazy. I want to feel confident just as myself: spent the freshman year dressing up and trying to be more feminine but it never stuck. I want to be myself, confident, independent and developing my hobbies. I hope I can be that when I graduate college.
