>>8087425>>8087426>>8089073>>8089150>>8089778>>8089779Thanks. These images fill me nostalgia and longing, but the feelings are not long followed by crushing depression and loneliness.
As a child I remember watching my mother and father, abusive though they were, playing World of Warcraft together- a small moment of intimacy in a life otherwise devoid of it. The idea of ever playing the game never crossed my mind- like most things, it was an element of life denied to me. Yet when I awoke one Christmas Eve to that familiar song...
I spent many of my younger years on that game, and though I've nearly forgotten those memories, the sentiment of peace and innocence haunts me like the hateful specters of my past.
Many memories are similar. The falling leaves of Elwynn Forest, the praire-fields of Westfall or snowdrift Winterspring— and molestation in my bed. Walking down Vault 101 to Megaton, 188 to Hoover Dam— overdosing, nearly dead.
I made no milestones in my own life. I never made another smile, never kissed or felt a hand in mine. None of the games I ever played were really worth it, and even now I can't remember what I did— what made life worth living?
Even memories of yesteryear are fading in my mind. I feel nostalgia for a book I read in May, or a drink I had in June— and like the games I used to play, bitter and yet gone to soon.
At every stage of life I thought I lost all I could lose. Is this what living is? Losing more and more? Yet where do I keep gaining things to lose again?
I am desperate for help I that I will never see.
