>>8071327i met a boy and I'm falling in love and it's scary and it hurts. he's a lot of the things I want in a relationship, and all the most important ones, but every time we talk I get a sinking feeling in my gut that it can't be real, that it's going to end badly. he's smart, and self-aware (the kind of crippling, paralyzing self awareness that I also suffer from), and absolutely downright adorable, and on and on. but he's also lonely. very, very lonely, but we both are. and he's been at the bottom of a hole for a long, long time, but I've been there too and I climbed my way out. but I did it alone, and I think you might have to to really get out. so I don't know if it's even good that I'm around, for him. We only met a few months ago, but we took things very, very fast, and I think that might've scared us both, too. I've never really been in love and had it work out good for anyone before, so I'm especially scared of that. not really of hurting myself, anymore. I've done that a lot before, I know I can take it now. Of doing harm to someone else who's vulnerable, and alone.
I've been thinking a lot lately that I might just be supposed to be alone, that I'm too fucked up and weird to be able to handle emotional intimacy. it's the only thing that hurts anymore.
