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I'm failing my law studies and have no idea of what I'll do in the near future. I've no motivation, am kinda depressed. I see my friends from time to time to get drunk and sometimes stoned, but don't speak a lot to people I see on a daily basis at my uni. I've begun to smoke cigarettes a lot more than I ever did before, and also drink on a daily basis when I'm alone at home for some time. I'm 19, never got a girlfriend and feel it is the thing I need the most right now. Guns & shooting is my only *real* hobby, netflix and video games put aside. But now since france has been put in quarantined I can't even make it to the range. Video games just makes me tired these days and there isn't a lot of new interesting series to watch. I wanted to join the police forces and work for the state but it happens that my eyes aren't good enough for that - even though I could barely pass the test right now, in 5 or 10 years I might not and would then risk to be fired. I don't want to end up advising some random private company or protect any sort of criminals by becoming a lawyer. I don't recognize myself in today's society and values. Progressism and ecology are two things I hate, even though I somehow know they're the way to go. Gun laws are getting stricter over time, in a near future it might even endanger my only hobby. Feels like being an empty nutshell, with no motivation or usefulness.
Why shouldn't I just take the gun I have in my drawer, put it deep in my mouth and get over with it ? I don't fucking know, even though I've thought about it since quite a long time. Guess I'm too much of a coward to make that kind of step- probably another failure of mine. In the mean time I've used that wallpaper. Happens that it doesn't motivates you to work at all, just makes you feel insulted by your own computer each time you start it.
Anyway, I'm going to try to remain alive just for the sake of it. Wish you all anons a nice day or evening. And OP, it's a very nice thread you got here.
