>>5941051I've been going through serious depression lately. I have a group of really good friends and everyone knows me as this ambitious, happy, brilliant person. They kind of look up to me as a leader in some ways, even though they know I'm far from flawless. But the constant grind of pursuing my career (which a lot of family/friends don't take seriously) balanced with working at my job constantly that used to like but now hate for reasons I'm about to mention. I got dumped last week, by the first girl I ever had a real connection with. The first person I ever felt really understood me, ever. But even when I was the happiest with her, I still had depression lingering in my mind. I realize that she wasn't the source of my happiness, just a coping mechanism. The true problems that I deal with are with myself, and I don't know if I'll ever fully beat them. I attempted suicide by medication overdose last night after a long fight with her and I failed because of my overactive gag reflex. Now my friends, who had put me on "suicide watch", sort of, are pissed at me. That doesn't help me at all. I just want to be happy but my soul is just...crushed. My mind is broken. I don't know if I can be fixed and I sure as hell don't feel like I'm worth the effort of fixing.
