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I don't feel like living. I don't make a world of it but it's a reality for me, and that's been a reality for me for quite some time. Years ago I thought it was because of depression, but as soon as I was cured I still felt the same and now that I am disgusted enough to live and ready to kill myself, I am too much of a coward to do so.
I want to do it, I don't want to make a drama, for me choosing not to live is not a big deal, because I am living and yes, my life is normal actually, I have a good family, I have some sweet friends, I have a good time and that, but it's not my thing, it's just that.
That makes me fall apart constantly.
Now I'm very afraid of never doing it, of discovering myself old one day and seeing that I've lived eighty years by force because I'm just a coward.