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I feel like being in a band that requires touring + shows + 2-3 practices a week is slowly cannibalizing every other aspect of my life. I'm 27, I see my friends less, I partake in my other hobbies less, I have to lie about my days off and vacation days so they don't get filled up with out-of-town shows when I just want to leave town for a small get away with my girlfriend.
The band is a lot of fun, and music a big part of who I am, and I've progressed my guitar playing further than I ever thought possible, but the band leader is incredibly toxic, I can't post anything on my social media about video games, or movies, or going out to do something with other friends without him leaving a passive aggressive comment about how I could have been practicing.
Lockdown in my country is going five months strong and it's really given me perspective on just how much of myself that I've lost pursuing success with this band. I started reconnecting with friends and firing up all of my old hobbies.
I recently started writing and producing my own music and it's been really well received, I'm posting my own work as myself, no personas, no dress codes, I don't have to put on this face that marketing has planned out for us.
And yet, I still can't bring myself to leave the band, even while being pressured to have shows during a fucking pandemic (which I always refuse), I still have this anxiety that right after I leave, the band will blow up and I'll have missed my shot to be something more than just another dude working in an office with a music hobby. It seems trivial compared to what other anons have been posting here but man it's like this big shadow obscuring my view.
