I'm trapped in an age and place that I can't live in properly. I've been living this shitty lie for long enough that I'm starting to question if I'm starting to believe my own lie. I've gone through a period of depression, and I'm stuck in a cycle that will only be broken by breaking something, or someone, else. I just want a world, like the old west where I can be as twisted as I am and not fake for the sake of staying out of a cage.
In 6th grade, I broke someone emotionally, completely. The feeling of watching him burn gave me a cruel, satisfying joy that I have found once since. 2nd time: long story short, I emotionally damaged a girl who had a painless life. I've been a sadist specifically with emotions, because it's been the only reliable source of joy without tangible consequences.
>>6794029I can relate to the whole dating ideal. I just want to curl up with a girl and have her comfort me, without restraint or judgment.
