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Hey OP! I'm a 16 year old that has what most people would label as "manic depression" where i get sporadic bursts of energy and I feel great after, but I never seem to be able to do it again for another few weeks, during that time I feel like everything is worthless and I want to end it all. This picture here is what I made, I know it's not the best and it looks almost like a child, but I had a great time doing it while listening to one of my favorite bands, STS9. I just started digital painting and I have fun drawing up things like characters from video games and just landscapes in general. Now I have a constant fear that someone will kill me and I dropped out about 10 months ago after having a shitty trip on acid (others tried to spook me and it brought up bad childhood memories and now I feel severely traumatized and mentally ill), and I've been isolated in my room since then with my friends slowly going away due to lack of social contact and I just generally suck at speaking now. Now I don't have much life experience but I know that most people who are my age and people who are 50 years older know just as much as me, which is to not give in to your negative thoughts. I suck at art, music, and any of my other hobbies but I enjoy the result of them and most of the process. I also enjoy talking to others because I feel like people actually are about me then. What I'm trying to say is just find something you like doing and that doesn't have to be a hobby it could be something like solving a rubiks cube for 8 hours or doing something that you feel makes your life worthy of anything, something that makes you look to the future positively. Muster up some will, and don't be afraid to take a chance because if you don't, then you'll regret not doing it and if you do, then you could be happy! Forget everything in your mind currently and ask yourself, What makes me feel happy, fulfilled, hopeful, and like a real person all at the same time? Just don't give in, and keep on.
