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I didn't really have the best family growing up, nor the social skills to make friends easily, so I had to learn to cope with loneliness pretty much since always. It was difficult but over time I've learned to love myself and enjoy my own company. The thing is... it gets really boring sometimes. Everything I do I do for myself and yeah that's great, but sometimes I just want to share something, anything really, with someone else. But I just can't let people near me. Everytime I get a close friend or a romantic partner I unconsciously sabotage myself and drive them away. I don't know if I'm just too afraid of people abandoning me or it's just that I don't really like people all that much, maybe it's both. I'm not that afraid of dying alone but I'm terrified that after it happens no one will even remember that I ever existed.
