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I've got so much going for me for the first time in so long, guys. I have a steady, well-paying job I'm doing amazing at after years of poverty and am waiting to hear back on a promotion. I have a gf who adores me and we're vacationing together for the first time this month.
But I can't get out of survival mode or shake the feeling that it's all going to come crashing down.
I look everywhere for threats, and keep expecting the good things in my life to go away in the blink of an eye. My relationship, my job- none of it feels 'real' or 'legitimate' enough to me, after spending so much of my life floating through shitty housing and taking work where I could and just trying to stay alive. Like it's just a nice illusion that's going to go away any time soon.
But I take the happiness as much as I can, the success as much as I can. I try really hard to appreciate it over that sense that it's all going to go. Even if my bugged-out brain tells me it isn't meant to last, I know I have to appreciate and treasure it for now.
