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>since early teens dream of true love, the stuff you find in books etc
>always too shy to do anything, too scared of girls
>in late teens try to befriend 4 different girls in consecutive attempts, but was too hesitant to make the first move, so they lost whatever interest they had
>kissless virgin up until early twenties
>get first gf
>I'm more or less of a Christian lifestyle, even though I'm agnostic (don't smoke/drink/party)
>I was always serious about relationships, always consider marriage as a consequence, no flings
>girl turns out to be dependent on drugs/alcohol
>verbally abuses me, is always cursing/whining
>I suspect she has BPD
>put up with it for years
>always have her back, put 100% into relationship, drag her from parties when she's unable to walk straight
>feel empty, drained, no energy, fallen behind on studies
>don't see myself marrying her, totally different life values
>she basically hates all humanity, constantly wishes bad things for people
>break up, she threatens suicide
>continues to vent all her problems to me
>can't just block her because I'll feel bad for her
>most friends in relationships, some of them are what I'd call ideal pair: understand each other without words, totally compatible worldviews
>can't even imagine myself finding someone like that
>now am just trying to improve myself for the sake of my parents. trying to avoid trouble so that they wouldn't worry, working on becoming content with being on my own and not needing outside validation.
shit's been rough, but i've emerged a better, albeit battered, person
but i still cannot even fathom how people are able to meet someone so compatible with themselves. really boggles me.
