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I'm in my first year of college here in the states in what feels like one of the most washed up, southern towns in America and my best friend who I am now growing apart from is in her first year of college in Switzerland. That, coupled with the fact that we are growing further apart each day (I guess she sort of wants to move on with her life and make new friends and forget about old ones), me having no idea what I want to do with my life, and being stuck here in a state I hate and in a city I hate even more, makes me feel extremely alone and trapped. What makes it worse is that my parents, uncles, and a few cousins went to this same University and are all super proud of me being here while I just want to get out of this state, this country, and experience new places and ideas more than anything. I know that I'm being selfish and I should be grateful that I simply get the opportunity to go to college but I just can't get over how much I feel like I need to leave this place.
I miss my friend so much and know that she is having a better time and is happier without me and I can't help but to be jealous of her because she is exactly where I want to be and doing what I want to be doing but I can't even talk to her about things like that anymore because she more or less hates me now and wants nothing to do with me.
I spend hours shutting myself away in my room listening to music and looking at pictures of places that I want to be and when I go to sleep I dream about my best friend and all of the places I wish I could visit and discover with her.
I've tried to go out and make the most out of my time here, ignoring where I am but I can't stop thinking about her and those things. I'm not sure how I can take another three years of this.
