>>7683640I feel creatively hopeless.
Working on creative stuff is the only thing that makes me feel anything anymore. But at the same time I feel like I haven't gotten anywhere or have anything to show for it.
In about a year I've grown immensely as an artist, branched out into music production, and sharpened my writing, but I feel I still have so much more to do to get where I want to be. It just feels like too tall a mountain to climb. But the dream that I can make what I envision a reality and share it with others is the only thing keeping me going. It lifted me out of a nearly 2 year long slump where my manic depression and anxiety hit rock bottom and I was on the verge of suicide.
I'm just completely and utterly alone. There's no one to help me, No one to lean on for support. Having another human just be there with me on my would be life changing, but even when I wanted to kill myself no one cared enough to so much as reach out.
I'm young and supposedly talented but it just never feels enough even when I spend 18 hour days working. I don't want to waste my life on meaningless projects, but if the alternative is submitting to a life with regrets, I have no choice but to keep trying. Some days it's just too much of a burden and I get so angry and depressed that I'm not good enough. And when I hate myself like that I it's just so hard to want to make anything. And when I'm not making anything I hate myself even more, it's just a cycle of loathing that I keep having to push myself out of.
I'm between jobs atm and helping out what little family I have while I apply for an overseas position in Japan, so I think I'm currently cracking under the added anxiety of having that potentially fall through. If I do go I hope the perspective change inspires and uplifts me. I'm trying to have some kind of faith that there's something for me in life.
>>7683666It's simple but it's the truth. I always lose sight of this and end up treating my life like it's a race.
