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I'm just in a really weird spot in my life right now.
My girlfriend of 5 years broke up with me a few months ago, and it was cause I just wasn't compatible with her. She was outgoing, wanting to have fun on the weekends away from stifling grad school, but I have a full time job and wanted peace. She was also horny as hell, and I might be asexual? I never wanted to have sex with her, even when she really wanted it (same case for my previous girlfriends, come to think of it), so I might be, but I also find girls sexually attractive in general, just no desire for actual sex? We also just didn't have many common interests, so once I moved away from school the speeds of our lives just got way too different.
Now, I have pretty much no friends cause everyone's scattered after college, and I lost my only connection to someone real. To compensate, I've started working out, building a better wardrobe, taking care of my skin, writing in a journal, getting more into my hobbies, and all that'll give me a few good days in a row until I have a day of "why even put in effort, no one gives a shit".
It's like man I'm putting in so much effort to be a better version of myself when no one cares and I don't entirely know who I am anyway. I'm not even sure I like sex, which is pretty far down the confusion hole.
