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Hey OP and anyone else who ever feels in a real bad way-- Please find the energy to keep going. Sort your life out, heal up. Doesn't matter if we'll never be acquainted, you still matter to me. Be okay or at least working on getting there. Please.
Fight against the call of the void, Death is the most clever troll I've even seen. You may wish for it and then when it nears, all you earn is then dreadful realization of 'oh shit, what have I done' ...right before it smacks you and then nothingness. Maybe forever. Terror and regret is all you have in your last moments, forever it's there. You don't deserve that. Stay here with me, goddamn it.
I almost died but was fortunate to wake up sometime the next day. I was really fucked up for a while but here I am until the damage done claws me unwillingly back someday. Oh well.
Things got better soon after I turned anger into motivation and made positive changes for myself when possible; I began by demonstrating kindness for others and escaped the people who were toxic or abusive.
You don't find happiness, you make it happen by your actions.
