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Been thinking about my future and what I want from this world. Never had anyone close to me, never been the first choice for anyone let it be family or friends. Been starved from most emotions, sadness being the only one that has stuck around to which I’ve found peace in. Got trust issues which I will never be able to mend, I do not let anyone get close to me. I have a very destructive personality I like to see the worst in everybody, I’d find the right buttons to push to see them at a breaking point which I learned from a very young age. Don’t want to do it anymore but can’t help it, if anyone tries to get too close, I always have the feeling I will end up hurting them or ruining the friendship.
Bottled up too many emotions over the years, help my friends through their problems, can’t look weak in front of them or I feel like they will notice that I’m hurting too and try to help. Don’t like to open up about anything as whenever I do people leave or they use what I told them against me, Found a girl who wants to spend time with me, help me through my problems and be there for me. I’ve already begun to push her away because everyone leaves me at some point. Can’t get my hopes up, every time I do everything goes down hill. Saving myself from the pain. Been thinking about taking my own life for the past 3 years. If my current plans don’t work out I will probably leave this fragile cage.
