>>8000352Ha, fucking mood my man. What you're experiencing is not uncommon, in fact it is very common...your brain and body have a lot of processes that only care about one thing. Keeping you alive. You're in a mild flight or fight mode all the time because of these previous experiences. I was in one of these modes because and just recently got out of it. I was in this mode for 2 years almost because of a stressful period where I finished a degree, and working with a former friend that turned his narc tendencies to 11, and decided to bully me because he was jealous of how far I've come in life.
You need to do two things: Lift, and bury the past.
For the lifting part, you can find power lifting racks and bars for around 250 bucks ish. You don't need a gym membership, but that works too if you don't have an option. Get a mold, bag of concrete, 2" diameter pipe for the hole in the middle, make your own plates. You can make a 35 pound concrete plate for like 10 bucks. Follow the Strong Lifts program to start (google it).
You should also engage with this program that was created by a few psychs including Jordan Peterson. It's called self-authoring, but specifically the section called past offering. It's supposed to help you put away the past and just resolve those old emotions. You write about sections in your life and then identify important memories and how it affected you, all in a structured way. Its 14 bucks, buy it. Finishing that shit made me feel great, like I did as a kid, carefree and even more motivated to do things than I was before.
Good luck man.
