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I'm 23.
> I'm a failure
I don't have enough money to buy the bus pass and attend classes and so I'm just tryng to study at home. I find it really hard as I get feelings of doom, failure, shame every time I sit down to study. Can't study more then 3 hours a day, witch is not enough. It been going for so long I even have nightmares about going to class and being shamed about missing the entire semester. I was supposed to finish this year but I wont be able to. And I'm already in my 4 years of college but only did about 1.5 years of classes.
> My last hope is to get a job
The objective now it to pass most of my classes this semester and the next semester then get a job next year. If I have a job they cant kick me out and I can take as long as I need to finish. I could also start helping with bill in the house. Above all a job would allow me to start my life: afford Gym, buying a Bicycle, Buing cloths that are not falling apart, going to the dentist, get drivers licence...
> My futures isnt looking bright.
Worst is that I'm a nerd but around me everyone is really poor and so fall in to the classical life trap of drinking every Friday night into obliging and spending there entire life lessening to Gangster rap pretending to be criminal when they are just grow kids living in fantasy. Also there make there entire life revolve around getting laid but rarely do so. I love math and programming If I don't become a dev as my job I will live a life of regret.
> I'm also sexually frustrated
Last time I had sex was 4 years ago before I went into isolation. I could not even fit it in as she was to tight and I was kind of big and inexperience. We fooled around for a few weeks. I would rub myself on her pussy and enjoy the moisture from outside and I would place myself between her butt and close to her pussy but not inside and would fuck her inner legs. She left me for a older guy (30ish) that offered her a case of drawing pencils (she was in drawing college).
