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I sincerely don't know what to think of my life right now.
Everything is going the same way it always goes, I'm still alone most of the time,
my roommate (which I barely even speak to anymore) is the closest thing
to a friend that I've got, my trust issues are as big as ever, and given the fact that
I'm becoming fatter and fatter, they ll go back to being as big as they were back in 6th grade.
Worst of all, I'm 2nd year in a degree I have no interest in, car engineering or mechanical engineering,
however you wanna call it.
>Why pick up a degree about something you don't give a shit about?
It was the least non-appealing degree to me for reasons I can't explain properly.
I have no interests or dreams whatsoever, whatever I would've picked it would've eventually felt like a mistake anyway.
Also being a lazy moron, who can never bring himself to actually do something, except for those rare moments when panic kicks in, isn't helping me in college at all. I barely understand a thing, 90% of the class is in the same position as me but that doesn't really help me at all.
Telling myself I'm a dumbass makes me feel like shit, but then telling myself that I m not a dumbass is even worse because then everything falls on my lazy persona, which makes me feel even more terrible because I m losing the race over something that should be in my control.
Back on the subject of loneliness, it's actually a really funny one.
I told myself in high-school that it won't matter if I'll end up alone
>who cares? I was always a loner anyway, I ll get through life just like that, by myself
Even worse sometimes I even thought
>it will all be ok in college, I ll make friends there
That obviously didn't happen. And now, day by day, I m starting to feel even more and more sad.
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